I TRY MY BEST BUT…

Try to laugh, i lost my smile

Try to love, i huge the hate

Try to free, i become prison

Try to calm, i live with anger

Try to justify, i wore the blame

Try to pack, i spread everything

Try to light, i caught the dark

Try to impress, i became depressed

Try to fly, i forget the walk

Try to add, i subtract all

Try to forward, i step backward

I TRY MY BEST BUT!

BUT I LOST EVERYTHING

I LOST THE LIFE

I LOST THE PRIED

I LOST THE GAME…

ON LONG WAY OF LIFE

“AN ARROW CAN ONLY BE SHOT BY PULLING BACKWARD. SO WHEN LIFE IS DRAGGING YOU BACK WITH DIFFICULTIES IT MEANS THAT IT IS GOING TO LAUNCH YOU INTO SOMETHING GREAT . SO JUST FOCUS AND KEEP AIMING…

When i was 14year’s old. I was very ambitious, cheerful and i had many dreams. I thought i was very lucky to have everything. I have my loving family, sincere friends and many loving and caring companies. I was very happy, but who knows their was storm waiting ahead which will my world upside down. Many times i heard the stories of the girls who were trapped by the boys and i always say! ” how much silly they were ” but i never thought that i could get trapped into something similar. How that all silliness will start? I made a friend of 7 grade. i was in 9th standard at that time. She was very beautiful and have attractive personality i was very happy to have a friend like her. My old friends warned me that she was not a good girl. But why should i heard them i am the only me. I left my old friends (good friends) because of her. I adored her very much. She told me stories of her bf’s. In the beginning i felt strange but the passing time i started taking interest in stories. Time passed and our friendship grew stronger. My sister’s warned me to stay away from her, but why i heard them because i’m the only me. In those days Aana was only my life. One day she told me about her break up with (Omer) because she got a better person to lay her hands. After two days Omer sent me a message on Facebook requesting me to convey his message to Aana that why she left him, and begged Aana to talk to him once. Aana told him that she did’t want to be with him anymore. After few days Omer texted me again, he told me that he feel alone. And Aana cheated on him. He was depressed. I feel that Aana has done a bad thing. I consoled him . Eventually it became my routine to talk with him daily. I shared all my personal issues with him. After few months he said that he like me and told me that he will resolve my all issues. I had became insane. I never figured how his sugar coated words would trap me. I feel he was very caring. I told Aana about him she told me he is really good. And it kept me going. After some days he told me that his brother kicked him out from his home. And he had no money for his admission. He told me that this is going to be our last conversation because he was selling his phone to get money. I felt sorry for him and tried to stop him. He told me that he have no money for his university fee and other expenses and kept telling these stupid things on daily basis, i felt helpless and i really wanted to pull him out from the trouble. Finally he said “if you have some money than lend it to me” , i asked “how much ” (i thought he want some thousands), Ah! But he demanded in lacs. I replied i have no money in the huge amount to which he cleverly said “In your home their must be something precious or something than you can stole and give it to me and i will return the favor later. He said “i have also arranged some amount from my other friends. We can rent some place and will live there together.” And would you belive what i said? Ahhh… i replied,,, OK ! I will do whatever you say… ( whenever i remember that i really wants to kill myself, how i became so silly, stupid and selfish. How i got trapped by a liar whome i have never met in real, we only chatted on internet… and i had done what he said, How? How can i do that)

I stole the money and gold from my own home. Next day after school he sent a young boy at the gate and i handed him those things and went back home. When i was at my tuition center i tried to text him but my sim (which he gave me ) got blocked…… Oh! I got worried and i told my teacher that i want to go home. She told me to wait for your father but i said i am not feeling well so i want to go home now. She gave me the permission. I went straight to my friend Aana ( her house was near to my house. I told her about the situation and asked her if she had any address of Omer, she gave me one. Than i come back to my tuition again. I knock their door and asked “Have my father came to pick me yet? My teacher took me in her house and asked “where were you”? Your father came and we told him you left early today.But he said you aren’t home and this freaked us out. She was very angry and informed my family. My aunt came and took me. When i entered the house, i saw my uncle, my sister’s and my father all were very angry and sad. They asked me that with whom i run? I said no i not run i go to my friend house. Then they asked “where is all the money and gold??? I stood numb and speechless, i had no words to justify that i was not planning to run away. I told them the truth about Omer. My father including my sisters were in a great shock. I spend the night in my room with tears, i couldn’t believe that how Omer mistrusted me. Next day my uncle and father took me to the address that Aana gave me, but the guard told us that their is no person with this name. After one week my family sent me to Islamabad to my another uncle’s house. The last week which i spend in my home was really very painful, i didn’t want to memorize it again.

“I FEEL PAIN IN EVERY VEIN POOR WEEP HEART COMPLAINS SOUL INJURED, SORROWFUL EYES SWEATY SKY, SHIVERED THE LANE”

My uncle sent me to madrassa (boarding shool) where i spent almost three years. I came home once a year. The time which i spent in the hostel was tough but good. After doing matric i returned back. Got admission in the college and done FSC ( pre-engineering) and now i am applying in the engineering universities. (Hope so i get the seat). Finally i came back to my life.

I am lucky to have a good family. My family always support me. Now im 18. It took a long time to get out of this trauma (but i think i will never be able to come out from the traumatic event. The scars will keep reminding me of my mistakes back and forth). Anyway, i want to be a successful person. Out of all the things i lost; my good friends, the trust of my loved ones,many years of my teenage the most precious thing i lost is MYSELF, i lost “Habibah”. From struggle i can earn everything back EXCEPT myself.

“GIVE AND TAKE THAT’S A GAME SINCERITY IS A SUCCESS PLAN SELFISH HAND WILL ALWAYS RUIN FAULT IS YOUR THAT’S A BLAME ”

SOUL FEELING

I feel pain, in every vein poores weep, heart’s complain soul injured, sorrow full brain sweaty sky, shivered the lane

Give and take that’s a game. Sincerity is a success plane selfish hand always ruin faults is yours that’s a blame

Whatever the world says I remember in my all prays foe and friends, in every way get succeed with happy day